How to Create Your Ideal Relationship

I’ve got a couple questions for you today: 

Are you attracting the kind of partners who make you feel good? 

If you’re partnered, are you feeling met in your relationship(s)?

The first step to aligning with partners who are a good fit for you, who will light you up, who will respect you and honor your needs (instead of playing games, wasting your time or making you feel less-than) is to get CRYSTAL CLEAR about what your needs are in a relationship.

You can’t attract your ideal partner or get your needs met in relationship if you don’t know what you need to feel good.

So many of us jump into relationships (casual dating or longer-term) with no criteria and just responding to whoever is available and likes us. 

We get caught up in how good it feels to have random strangers validate us on the internet. Or to be partnered instead of single.

And don’t get me wrong—it DOES feel good! We are hard-wired to seek out affection, praise, physical touch and companionship.

Or we focus on finding partners who meet arbitrary, socially determined standards of desirability. Someone of a certain height. Who has six-pack abs. Earns a certain amount of money. Or has a certain kind of job.

The problem with these standards is that they tend to focus on the external. And not who a person actually is. 

Or how they treat you. 

Or how they make you feel. 

Which is why these approaches likely won’t help you create the kind of relationship you’re dreaming of.

So if you’re dating and not not connecting with the kind of folks you want to be, or feeling like your current relationships(s) could be better, I invite you to spend some time thinking or journaling on what traits in a partner make you feel: Lit up. Turned on. Secure. Seen. Respected. Cherished.

If you could use a little nudge, here are a some journaling prompts to help you get clarity:

• What’s your communication style? How do you like people to communicate with you? Frequently? Less often? Directly? Playfully? Logically? In a way that centers feelings?

• How important is it for you to be with someone who is self-reflective? Who’s invested in emotional growth and has maybe even had therapy?

• How important is physical touch and intimacy for you? Do you express yourself more with words or physical touch and presence? Which do you prefer from a partner?

• What kind of energy makes you feel good? Lighthearted energy? Calm energy? Spontaneous? Grounded? Sensual? Adventurous? Playful?

You know you better than anyone.

Only you know what kind of partner(s) are going to make you feel good.

That’s why it’s so important to know yourself well. To ask yourself questions like these. To get clear on what works for you and what doesn’t. What feels good and what doesn’t.

With this knowledge, you can set your standards and intentions, better communicate your needs, and create the kind of relationships that make you feel safe, secure and happy. ❤️

XO,

Olaiya