How to Stop Blocking Your Own Power
Image: Olaiya Land
I don’t know about you but as we start seeing a glimmer of light at the end of this pandemic, I’m finding it harder and harder to just casually ride the Carona Coaster of emotional ups and downs. I WANT THIS SHIT TO BE OVER. Like yesterday.
As we marked one year of pandemic life, I started thinking about the ways the past year has left many of us feeling powerless. And how, when that sense of powerlessness is left unchecked, it has a way of creeping inward and transforming into hopelessness and depression.
Here’s an example from my life: I am ALL about my gym days: I plan a cute gym fit. I pack my gear into my favorite backpack. I make sure my workout playlist is on point. It’s an event.
I love the energy and camaraderie of the gym--like we’re all connected by our love of sweat and lifting heavy things. Afterwards, I feel energized, strong and confident. Like a sexy badass who can do anything I put my mind to. (Feelings that have been in short supply over the past year.) Going to the gym is a huge part of maintaining my mental health.
I realized a couple weeks ago that I’d been feeling pretty down. And that I’d pretty much stopped going to the gym. Coincidence? Uhm, nope.
When I looked a little deeper, I realized the reason I’d stopped was because I felt powerless to ensure everyone at the gym wears their mask correctly. Every time I hit my workout, I was on the verge of stroking out because invariably a few people choose to sport their masks as chin diapers and/or not wipe down their equipment.
I tried asking politely. I tried talking to the front desk. I tried asking less politely.
Nothing changed.
Without realizing it, I let myself get so focused on what I couldn't change (other people’s behavior), it sabotaged my whole desire to do something that makes me feel amazing.
On top of that, I turned my general sense of powerlessness inward, which was sapping my desire to do much of anything. I was lying in bed with no desire to start my day. I felt like anything I did was going to be meaningless. I was getting back in bed at 7.30, ready to call it lights out because I was so exhausted.
It was a vicious cycle: not going to the gym because I couldn’t make everyone wear their masks correctly ⇨ feeling powerless ⇨ feeling hopeless ⇨ feeling depressed ⇨ not doing the one thing that reliably keeps me feeling good. Rinse and repeat.
Then I sat down and had a little come-to-Jesus with myself and remembered that the only person whose behavior I have control over is me. End of story. Always and forever.
No matter how much I’d like to, I can’t make everyone wear their masks perfectly. I can’t make anyone do anything. But I can shift my own perspective and behavior.
So I decided to do a few things that would allow me to get back to the gym without wanting to punch anyone in the face: I researched off-peak hours for getting my workout in. I started double masking. (I figure I’m wearing one for me and one for the people who are not down with #masklife.)
Most importantly, I made the conscious decision to maintain this part of my life that helps me feel good. I decided I’m worth the extra effort.
And while it isn’t perfect (I sometimes still feel irritated at people who wear their mask as a nose sling), I got a lot of my power and energy back simply from giving myself permission to take up space.
I was able to shift my perspective from one of powerlessness (whyeeeeee isn’t everyone at the gym complying 10000% with what I want???? I guess I’ll just stay home and be miserable) to one of identifying and protecting my own needs.
When I recommitted to prioritizing self-care, the depression lifted and I started feeling like myself again.
To be clear: if you are experiencing persistent or deep depression, I absolutely advocate seeking professional help.
But if you’re currently in the pandemic doldrums, try taking an inventory of the things you’re feeling hopeless about. Then choose one thing you can do to prioritize your own needs and allow yourself to take up space.
If you’re feeling claustrophobic at home, can you and your partner take turns leaving the house on a set schedule so you can have some alone time?
If you’re feeling lonely, can you plan a night of socially-distanced backyard drinks or set aside some time to FaceTime with your very favorite people?
If you’re feeling big time burnout, can you take a couple personal days to completely unplug and allow yourself to catch up on sleep, go for relaxing walks, cook yourself (or order) your favorite comfort food, and watch movies on the couch? You get the idea.
The only person who can make you feel better is you.
I guarantee that if you pause, take a minute to figure out what you need right now and give it to yourself, you’ll start feeling more energized and hopeful. Give yourself permission to take up space. Give yourself the care you deserve. Step back into your power.
If you want to learn how to take up more space, love yourself more and grow your self-confidence, get on the waitlist for my Live Fierce Workshop! There are only 12 spots available for this intimate, 6-week group experience. Our workshops usually sell out pretty quickly so if you need this in your life, click here and get on the list.
XO,
Olaiya
