5 Ways To Stop a Body Shame Spiral
I’m writing you today from sunny Los Angeles! And let me tell you—there are a staggering number of Beautiful People here. So many, in fact, that about two days into this trip I started feeling uncomfortable in my less-than-Hollywood-perfect bod.
The conversation with my brain went something like this:
Me: *looks around*
My Brain: Hey there. I know you’re enjoying yourself and all. But have you noticed that you’re not as thin and yoga-svelte as most of the women here?
I couldn’t help but observe that your stomach isn’t washboard flat. Your upper arms are looking a little extra wobbly lately. Oh, and your boobs seem to be a little saggy.
Me: *hardcore stressing over my appearance*
My Brain: Maybe you should drink green juice instead of eating breakfast? How much weight do you think you could lose if you walked 10 miles every day for 7 days? Oh, I know! You should go buy new clothes that camouflage the plethora of flaws that compose your body! You’re welcome!
I’m sharing this because I want you to know how normal this is. Even for me—a pleasure and empowerment coach who’s been working to free themself from ridiculous beauty standards and fat phobia for more than a minute.
We are all swimming in a sea of subtle and not-so-subtle messaging that is very clear about how we need to Look if we want to be successful/happy/loved.
There is absolutely zero shame in feeling critical of your body. It’s a miracle any of us don’t feel that way for longer than 2 seconds.
The key to body love is knowing that you are worthy and good—even when you don’t love how you look.
So how do you get there?
Here are 5 Ways to Stop a Body Shame Spiral that have consistently worked for me:
#1 Breathe
When you get anxious, your breathing gets shallow. Which heightens the sense of panic within your nervous system. Which makes you even more stressed.
When any sort of uncomfortable emotion comes up, my first move is always to take 3 deep belly breaths: In through the nose. Hold. Out through the mouth. Repeat as necessary.
#2 Get It Out
When you leave stressful thoughts swirling inside your head, they have a way of multiplying and growing stronger.
Instead of ignoring what you’re feeling, try journaling or talking to someone you trust.
Simply getting your fears and frustrations out in the light robs them of a lot of their power.
#3 Connect with Your Magnificence
Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and write down everything you love about yourself. From the shape of your toes to what a great friend or parent you are. Write down every single little thing you can think of about yourself that’s amazing.
(If you’re really stuck, ask a loved one to tell you all the things they love about you.)
Then take a minute to really sit with that and feel into it. Read your list out loud to yourself:
”I love my cute little toes.”
”I love my big, bouncy curls.”
”I love my cocoa brown skin.”
”I love that I’m a compassionate, empathetic being.”
Saying the words out loud helps your brain process them as true.
#4 Move Your Body
This helps move the negative energy out. (Truly. There’s a lot of research on this. Google “why animals shake” if you’re curious about the science behind this.)
If you’re alone or not worried about looking a little silly—try shaking it out. Literally just start shaking—your hands, arms, feet, legs, torso, head—until you feel your energy shift.
If shaking isn’t your thing, any form of movement will help move stress out of your body. Jump on your bike, take a quick walk around the block, or put on your fave playlist and dance it out. (Impromptu dance parties are my absolute favorite way to move stress out of my body and re-center.)
#5 Be Kind To Yourself (Always & Forever)
Just like taking a few deep breaths will never do you wrong, self-compassion is always a good move.
If you’re caught in a compare-and-despair cycle, try to avoid blaming yourself.
You haven’t done anything wrong. There is nothing wrong with you. I repeat: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.
There is no such thing as a “good” or “bad” body.
Some bodies are bigger. Some are smaller. Some are rounder. Some are more angular. All bodies are beautiful and weird and confusing sometimes.
You just happen to be living in an era that says you should spend your time trying to look like a Kardashian. (Ugh.)
So cut yourself some slack, embrace yourself in a huge (mental and/or physical) hug and extend yourself as much kindness as you would your BFF.
You got this. I’m so, so proud of you for learning to be gentle with yourself.
XO,
Olaiya💋💋
